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A BIG DICK...

Who says that all St. Joe girls want to be nuns? Four graduates from many years ago gathered for pizza with extra salami at Gio's when Yolanda suddenly shocked her companions when she spat, "I want a big dick!"

Her former classmates--Rosa, Dalila and Melinda, all in their mid-forties--looked at each other dumbfounded as if they had been struck by lightning. Their hair literally stood on end when Yolanda burst a second time, "I want a big dick!"

There was both anger and frustration in her voice.

Her three friends took sips from their glasses of wine before Rosa summoned the courage to break the ice by asking, "Will a little dick do?"

The quartet tittered nervously. All of them were single mothers with children in high school and college. They had come from privileged backgrounds and were fortunate to have professional ex-spouses who were meeting their obligations to their offspring both financially and emotionally.

None of the four were in relationships. Unlike men with their over-powering sexual drives which require reaching out to the opposite sex in order to satisfy their bestial instincts, these women were not usurped with relentless libidos. They still possessed clear minds. None had had sex in several years. They preferred their solitary existences to sorry relationships.

Yolanda, however, had reached the end of her rope as she stared at herself in the mirror every morning and couldn't escape the hard reality of wrinkles fiercely invading her face from several fronts. She was on the brink of menopause when, in her own estimation, she would be reduced to a hollow shell.

"I was a virgin when I married," she lamented. "That was the biggest mistake of my life. I don't want my experiences to be limited to one man."

"It's been a while, but during my college years I had a series of lovers," offered Dalila. "I can't say that any of them left much of an impression. If I never have sex again, I couldn't care less. I don't miss it now, so I don't know why I would miss it in the future.

"I have no urge and I'm content living alone with my energies focused on my kids," she continued. "Men are too shallow and they are not worth the effort with all their needs. Infants are less demanding."

"But you had men," insisted Yolanda. "I don't want to be condemned to just one man. It's not fair. He was such a loser with all his infidelities and infecting me with STDs. I deserve justice and I want a new dick in me. I don't give a damn if it's big, small or average. I want another dick in me before I'm reduced to an old maid."

Melinda had remained quiet. She had been married twice. In her last marriage her husband had unexpectedly wined and dined her on their anniversary when he suddenly informed her at the end of the festive night that he was leaving her for a younger woman.

"That was the last straw," she said as she sadly shook her head. "First and foremost, sex is highly overrated. I've known a few gals who were as promiscuous as men, but the majority of my friends and acquaintances couldn't give a damn if they ever had sex again.

"Several years ago I had tumors in my breasts and the doctor counseled that I might I have to undergo a mastectomy. Everyone was wringing their hands over my cruel fate, but I told them to quit feeling sorry for me because I couldn't give a damn if they lopped off my tits or not. For the record, the tumors were benign."

The pizza arrived. Each took a slice except Yolanda. She refilled her glass and swirled the contents. Her furrowed brow indicated that she was seriously weighing her friends' commentary. She heaved and then sighed, "I don't care. I want a big dick in me."

"To a big dick!" toasted Las Tres Amigas.

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